My boyfriend called me up and asked to come over. He came over, left, forgot his cell phone here. He called me up and asked if I have snooped through his phone which gave me the idea that I should since he does it to me, got upset. I gave him his phone and tried to act like I didn't do anything but several pictures upset. Nothing major like him having sex with someone else. It just made me depressed. We have been together for almost three years now. I met him right after prom. I had just broken up with someone when I met him.

When he was picking his phone up I logged into AIM. AIM now has XM radio built in. The first song that came on  was "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. I felt like crying which is something I haven't done since I was horribly sick over a year ago. Anyway, the picture I got upset over was him and his female friend. He looked happy. It was a different look than what I have seen. The picture I was really, really upset over was of his friend's daughter and his friend and it said "two little angels". He claims that he hates his female friend. Yeah, she wouldn't exactly be his friend if he hates her.

I can't say my boyfriend and I have had a great relationship. He started lying about where he was at and started talking smack about me. Everyone knew it was bull since he would be the first person to talk our friend when we would fight. I want him to shut up so I became as cold-hearted as I could. I cheated on him seven times. Not something I'm proud of. He only knows of five times. He was once in the other room. I did it with his friend while my boyfriend was in the next room. Our friend said I needed to meet someone new so she took me to a bar. I was underage but my boyfriend was mad. My boyfriend started to yell at our friend for doing that.

Anyway, after he got his phone I sent a text message admitting I looked at his phone and how my heart sank. He called back but I wasn't ready to speak to him that second. I sent him another text message saying I wat some time alone. Of course, he called back. This time I answered. We talked about it for a while. He asked if I was crying. I said no even though I had tears in my eyes. I thought everything was going okay. I wasn't yelling and carrying on. I was more sad than anything. He said that he wasn't going to fight with me. As I said, I wasn't yelling. Then we said goodbye and that was that. He said he could discuss it later. Yeah, like I would want to do that.

The things that got my goat were the pictures of his friend and him and that my number wasn't in his contact book. I don't know maybe I'm overreacting. I'm still upset though. I don't know if he'll call me and I don't know if I can pick up the phone.

Other than breaking up with him, I called in sick today from work, I felt sick after that. At least I picked a good to call in sick. We are supposed to get more snow. Yippee

Sorry for the rant. I'm just upset so I may delete this crap later on.

I think if you cheated on your boyfriend seven times because you were upset with him, its time to move on...for good.

Its a really hard thing to do, but its for the best. Sometimes you get into a comfort zone with a person, but that doesn't mean its healthy.

Its also not fair to your...ex? to keep leading him on and its not fair to YOU. You deserve to be with the right someone.

Its hard moving on. My ex dumped me 8 months ago and I still miss him very much. I've grown into my own person and I desperatly want to share that with him. But, he doesn't want to share it with me and I need to find someone who does.

I think if you're true to yourself and stay strong, you'll find someone amazing who you WONT want to cheat on, HA!

I know. I have been through this 21 times. I know it's nowhere near healthy. I should keep away from him but he takes me back. I don't know. I could say some messed up stuff to him and he still wants to be with me. It's crazy. I tell him I want to break up with him and he takes it with a grain of salt.